Around December of 2018, on a family vacation, I started to feel a deep soreness right below my left knee.  At first I thought I must have strained my knee.  I took some time off from the gym and exercise and after a week things were still quite painful.  Eventually, after checking with my chiropractor, he ordered an x-ray which I promptly took to an orthopedic doctor.  I was told that I had a small cyst and that it most likely would dissolve.   I was told that there was no need to cancel my upcoming bike tour where I planned to ride down the famed trail connecting Vienna to Budapest.

Several months later, in about April of 2019, I took a sabbatical from my job at Autodesk (one of the greatest perks of all time!) and was soon cycling with my friend Dave in Europe.  Though the area below my knee was still painful, I masked the pain with lots of ibuprofen.  The ride was lovely, and except for increased fatigue which I attributed to a brutal work schedule before my departure, all seemed in order.  However, when I saw my wife, who had been living abroad and hadn’t seen me for several months, she was quite concerned.  Notwithstanding the opinion of my doctor she was convinced something was medically off, and made me promise to make a doctor appointment when I returned to the States after my bike trip. 

Fast forward one month.  Now back home, I had another x-ray, and this time my orthopedic doctor was more concerned.  He said the cyst had grown and was now situated squarely in the top portion of my tibia bone.  He said it would need to be removed via surgery and that the best surgeons for this type of situation were cancer surgeons, even though he still said that my tumor was not cancerous.   And so at the end of June, my wife and I both attended a pre-surgery meeting with a wonderful surgeon at UCSF.  After a thorough intake she said that she wasn’t sure my cyst was correctly diagnosed.  She set up some scans for that day.   We went home, not particularly concerned.  That night, the doctor called us.  She asked us to sit down.  The doctor shared that the scans revealed that I had a large tumor in my lung that had most likely metastasized and spread to my leg.   And the bump on my forehead was most likely a cancerous tumor as well.  The surgery would proceed as planned, and the doctor would biopsy the tumor during my surgery and test to confirm her suspicions.  On July 2, 2019 I had the surgery.  On July 3rd, in my hospital room the doctor confirmed that I had stage IV lung cancer that had spread in my body.  The next step would be to match me with a lung cancer specialist at UCSF.

The ensuing months are a blur.  I quit my job and decided to devote myself fully to my recovery and survival.  I was blessed that at 59 years of age except for the cancer my body was in good shape.    I was matched with a doctor at UCSF who not only specialized in lung cancer but also was a PhD doing lab research to create targeted therapies for lung cancer.   In addition, I was lucky that my type of non-small cell lung cancer called EGFR, was one of the more common types of lung cancer and even better there was something called a “targeted therapy” pill for this type of cancer.   It turns out that the world of cancer treatment is undergoing rapid changes and that the cutting edge of science is to create targeted medicines that are able to block specific cancers based on the cancers genetic structuring.  We were told that my targeted therapy has a median time of helping lung cancer patients for about 18 months before the return or progression of some type of further cancer.    In addition to the targeted therapy, I received radiation therapy for the area in my tibia bone just operated on, as well as to tackle the tumor in my skull.   With such a skilled cancer team using cutting edge treatment, I decided that I was going to put my focus on everything else I could do to support my body in healing from this cancer that had invaded my body.  I worked with spiritual healers, a wonderful acupuncturist and focused on my sleep, meditation, and diet.  UCSF also has an Integrative Medicine group .  I had my blood examined and was proscribed a vitamin regimen to help my body as well.

From a mental/spiritual perspective, I also decided to focus on my blessings.  After mourning the initial loss, I decided that it was futile to focus on what COULD happen in the future.  My cancer diagnosis might clearly impact my future longevity.  But if I sat around worrying about myself NOW while my medication is working and I’m relatively healthy, then cancer would rob me of my PRESENT as well.  I simply wasn’t going to let that happen.   Every day started to feel like a profound blessing, and the time spent in my garden, or with my family or friends started to fill me with love, hope and excitement for the now.   As I started to recover from my surgery, I decided to write a book (“This Too Is The Path”) and although not completed, I’ve included some first chapters on my website.   Also, I continue to be inspired to reflect on healing, the nature of life, and the meaning of illness, all of which are reflected in my short blog posts and poems.   I am still undergoing quarterly scans and used to send my friends and family regular quarterly updates.  I not only shared my diagnosis and what was happening with my health, but also started sharing my reflections and occasionally attached a poem.  I got such (unexpected) positive reflections to these updates that I’ve turned many of them into short blog posts which you can now read on this site.

It is part of the human condition to experience pain, set-backs and challenges.  No one lives without experiencing adversity.  My hope is that my reflections might help at least one other person with cancer, serious illness or some other life challenge, transform their wounding/illness into a sacred gift and to view every day as the blessing it is, regardless of one’s physical condition.

With gratitude,

Jonathan Levy

September, 2022