This Too Is the Path: Chapter 3
It is called Paradise Island for a reason; this island is in the Bahamas with wind swept beaches, tropical palm trees and warm days that stretch into the horizon. I had decided to ‘decompress’ from the law by becoming a student/resident at Sivanada Yoga Ashram, an oasis of calm on a secluded island. I’ve got to say that these were two of the most blissful and grounding months I have ever had in my life. The yogic schedule totally fit my personality – it was almost as if I had lived as a yogi in a prior life. Living here felt like coming ‘home.’ Now before you conjure up your own idea of this paradise that might include mai tais on the beach, the yogic life I took on was very structured. We got up every morning at 4:30 a.m in time for the initial meditation period and chanting that lasted until about 6 a.m. We then helped prepare a breakfast in the large kitchen, ate and cleaned up. This was followed by a 90 minute yoga class in the morning, and then chores and lunch, with more cleaning duty. And this process was repeated in the afternoon, culminating in evening chanting and prayer with bedtime around 9 p.m. Rinse and repeat. Every day there was only about 1 hour of free time, and often this was used napping especially for those of us who stayed up later visiting in the evenings, only to be jarred awake by that deep, resonant gong, the morning call to prayer.
There were people staying at the ashram from all over the world, and our meals felt like the convening of the United Nations. I loved the harmony, order and discipline of the yogic life, and seriously considered taking steps to become a full time resident and maybe heading down the path toward becoming a monk in the yogic tradition. I knew this would involve sacrifice but my heart and spirit felt so alive and vibrant in this place; I wanted more! Yet there was a small part of me that wondered how much was I moving toward a vision, and how much was I fleeing from my past? What was the right path for me? And then the dream came. Actually, it was a vision.
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I am in a tailors room getting fitted for a blue suit. This isn’t any blue suit, it is stylish and fits me like a glove. It feels good and powerful to be in this suit and I am buying the suit because I am still a lawyer. Even in the dream I am a bit surprised to find out that I am practicing law – there is not a negative charge to this at all. In the dream I return home to a wife and children. There is a sweet feeling to the home, a quality of love and connection that is warm, inviting and like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
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I wake up to find myself in my sleeping bag, heavily sweating. This ‘dream’ is more like a vision. There is a quality of the dream that is different than any dream I’ve had – it isn’t only that I can see the dream in vivid color which itself is highly unusual for me as I’m not a visual person, but rather that there is a feeling in my body that this is or has happened. This isn’t the burning off of neural networks, but rather the foreshadowing of my future. I remember thinking ‘oh shit’ – I don’t want to leave the ashram and go practice law AGAIN!! And I most certainly don’t want to get married or have kids, the two things that terrify me even more than practicing law. I decide that maybe this is just a dream, notwithstanding the feeling in my body throughout the day. I pretend to ignore that this even happened and simply go about my day.
The next night, however, I have the dream again. This time it is even more vibrant, and the feelings more embedded in my body. This is a full body dream, not just in my mind but every aspect of my being is or has lived this, hence the word ‘vision.’ That whole week I keep trying to put off what I know to be true inside. The dream keeps recurring. Toward the end of the week I realize that it is so – I must leave the ashram and go back to reengage in the world. I have a deep understanding that my growth lies not in sitting in the ashram, but rather in full engagement in the world. My growth will be through work and family, not sitting zazen in the Bahamas. At some level I was crushed to leave the ashram, but this was one of those times where the guidance was simply too strong to ignore. My life direction was calling me home.
Commentary
Dreams, both in the actual world and the sleep world, have greatly informed my life and sense of mystery in the world. While I will speak of ‘dreams’ and ‘waking dreams’ often in my journey, I only speak of having had a ‘vision’ twice in my life. I experienced a vision like a dream on steroids. It is information delivered in a whole-body way such that it must be followed or adhered to. Regardless of whether you’ve ever had a vision, paying attention to dreams is important to anyone who wants to experience the magical as it is a realm connecting the deep sub-conscious with our day-to-day world, a bridge into understanding matter and energy in a whole new way,
Questions (Your Commentary)
· What have been one or two impactful dreams in your life?
· Have you ever had a dream that felt more like a vision, something that was beyond a dream? What was it and how if at all did it inform your life direction or choices?
· If you’ve never had a dream that you remember, what would be the value of remembering your dreams?
· When have you had something happen in your life that was so odd or unusual that you paused and said – “wow, that feels beyond coincidence…” Describe
· When have you surrendered to doing something that felt hard or beyond you or made no rational sense, but you just knew it was what needed to be done. What was the situation? How did it work out? What was/is the learning from that for you?
· If you could have anything happen in your dreams when you are asleep, what is it? What would you like to dream about or do in your dreams? Why? [E.g for me ‘flying’ is one of my favorite things to do in a dream state]